Singleness.  Many modern pastors have spoken and written on the subject.  Unfortunately, not many of them agree.

I was speaking about this yesterday morning with a friend over a Chik-Fil-A Chicken Breakfast Burrito.  (I know you didn't need to know that last bit, but I really liked it.)  He was talking about the dating scene (such as it is) at Southern Seminary.  Southern is infamous for girls who are there working on their M.R.S. degree.  (That, unfortunately, makes it hard on girls who are solely there to get an education.)

There are many pastors and authors in Reformed Christianity whose belief is that, if you're of marriageable age and you want to be married, you should be pursuing marriage.  This practically works out a lot of times as: find a girl, see if you're somewhat compatible, and close the deal.

I understand where a lot of these guys are coming from.  They're responding to the casual dating atmosphere of our culture today and the attitude of a lot of guys who want to "enjoy their singleness" for as long as possible.  I think these pastors are right to react to these attitudes.  They aren't biblical.

However, I don't know that the whole "pursue marriage now" attitude is helpful either.  What it practically does is produce a highly charged atmosphere.  Southern is a case in point.  This weekend, my friend attended an event that was put on because some girls on campus were complaining that guys weren't talking to them.  The guys, it turns out, didn't want to talk to them for fear of being pegged as "one of those guys". 

"Those guys" are guys who go from one girl to another at Southern, trying to find a wifey.  So, guys who may want to build friendships with girls to try and see if a girl may actually be a good prospect feel that they can't because of what the girl may think.  And I know of girls on that campus who do think that way.

So, while I see where pastors are coming from in saying that single people should be actively pursuing marriage.  However, I don't think this is a necessary implication from Scripture and practically may be unhelpful.  Neither should men sit around and do nothing or have a heart attitude of "having fun while they can".

I told my friend that one of the great contributions that someone could make to Reformed circles would be to come up with a practical theology of singleness and dating.  It would make things a lot easier on us single folks.  I, for one, would like to be able to get to know a girl without all the weirdness and pressure (or perception thereof).

What do you think?  Am I right?  Completely off-base?

Disclaimer:  Many of my friends may find this whole post laughable.  I certainly haven't always done a good job of fleshing this all out.  I'm much more chill about the whole thing than I used to be.  But, it's still all pretty hard.

Sang this on the Lord's day in church:

Be still, my soul - your God will undertake
to guide the future as he has the past
Your hope, your confidence let nothing shake
All now mysterious shall be bright at last
Be still, my soul - the waves and winds still know
his voice who ruled them while he dwelt below

Mmmm...

Today is the perfect day for an afternoon nap. Open the window and enjoy the breeze. Unfortunately, I need to be responsible and read for Doctrine of Salvation. It requires an incredible amount of concentration, because Sinclair Ferguson is really deep. Oh, well, at least if I get a fried brain, I will also get a full heart!

They say 15 minutes is all you need for a nap. Maybe I'll test that theory...